Its not easy being me.

I really don't know who I am. I know who I'm trying to be. But I am not even close.
Has any one read the Secrete? (I doubt anyone will ever read this so I probably should ixna on the questions.) Well I woke up thinking about the "Law Of Attraction". Right now I am attracting some pathetic shit. I don't understand how I got to this point. A few days ago I thought I had the world by the tail. I was planning meals, counting calories, my whole world revolving around changing. But over the past 72 hours I have kicked myself around so much I don't even want to get out of bed.
Yesterday all I ate over a 24 hour period was chocolet and nuts, oh ya, peanut butter, jelly and whole wheat bread. There was a point when I was at orgasim, literally. Do I want to do it again.
NO. I feel kind of like an empty M&M bag. Crunched up but not quite in the trash.
Its really not about being thinner. Its about feeling good. I'm not feeling good.
The really pitiful ful thing is I don't have a clue what would make me feel good. I have a few ideas , but they sound so pathetic I would't even write them to myself.