Professing my love to Gledwood.

Gledwood, I want to sink to the bottom with you. Please come to New York. Everyone else is going somewhere, and I just wanna sink to the bottom with you. The ocean is big and its blue.
I know your having a hard time getting your head on straight, and it seems like we will never meet.
I'm up to no good. If I had you with me, I would clean up again, and fall deeply in love. Perhaps some will say people with the same problems won't be a good match, but I believe in us. Is that too forward? I don't care who reads this, and who thinks I'm nuts. I am nuts. I get money for being nuts. I professing my undying love to someone I only know thru words. I never even seen a picture. Please Gledwood send me a photo. You can mail it to me via snail mail. I'll send you one of those throw away cameras. I just wanna see this person I've fallen in love with.

Did you really like the song I picked for you? I'm so hyper right now. I can't stop moving. I needed to come to my parents house and type it out. My impulse control is way down. I need another shot of Heroin. I can't do it here, I don't have any with me.

You know I'd love a guy with an accent. I want to come to London to see you. Why don't you think that's a good idea? Gledwood is that your real name. Are you hiding behind a blog?
Is it such a bad thing that I want to see you? You see all those photos of me. Are you fat, and balding? I don't care. I don't care how dirty and disheveled you are. I just want to sink to the bottom with you. The ocean is big and its blue, and one of us has to cross it to see one and other.

Its not about sex, its about being with someone who understands me. Someone funny, like Valarie. Someone intelligent like you.

Its not easy being me.

I really don't know who I am. I know who I'm trying to be. But I am not even close.
Has any one read the Secrete? (I doubt anyone will ever read this so I probably should ixna on the questions.) Well I woke up thinking about the "Law Of Attraction". Right now I am attracting some pathetic shit. I don't understand how I got to this point. A few days ago I thought I had the world by the tail. I was planning meals, counting calories, my whole world revolving around changing. But over the past 72 hours I have kicked myself around so much I don't even want to get out of bed.
Yesterday all I ate over a 24 hour period was chocolet and nuts, oh ya, peanut butter, jelly and whole wheat bread. There was a point when I was at orgasim, literally. Do I want to do it again.
NO. I feel kind of like an empty M&M bag. Crunched up but not quite in the trash.
Its really not about being thinner. Its about feeling good. I'm not feeling good.
The really pitiful ful thing is I don't have a clue what would make me feel good. I have a few ideas , but they sound so pathetic I would't even write them to myself.